Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
