Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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