They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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