Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize