It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
