my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
