it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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