i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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