If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
