I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
