i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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