Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
