what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
