im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
