Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
