You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
