I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize