bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
