Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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