12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
