I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
