So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
