So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
