I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
