so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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