at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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