I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
