I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
