Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
