Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
