Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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