dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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