the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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