its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
