"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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