shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
