Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
