I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
operation harelip BJ is a go
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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