We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
