I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
