dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
