Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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