he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
