i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
