it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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