The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
