It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
