my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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