well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
