Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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