she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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