His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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