a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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