I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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