do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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