oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
