I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
