I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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