The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
