No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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