you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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