Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I will die if light touches me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
