We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
