Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
