I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
